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Below is an assignment that Dr. Herrman assigned to my Family Communication Class that I really enjoyed doing. This course helped me understand and express the factors of a family dynamic and how I am able to view my own family dynamic.
My Father John
When growing up, there are a lot of memories that I have of my brother, my dad, and
myself. Whether it be at home or at the ice rink, there were many times it was just the three of us
while my step-mom was gone for long periods of time. After the passing of my biological
mother, my eventual step-mom was around to help, but to this day she will still travel to her family for longer periods of time. Due to the passing of my mother, and the occasional absence of my step-mom, there was a sudden redistribution of roles where role allocation fell on my father, creating a network of voluntary family to help him. Through talking with and interviewing my father, I learned a lot about his life and how he handled things while my
brother and I were growing up that apply to concepts in family communication such as role
allocation and voluntary/involuntary family. The impact of the redistribution of roles was very
important to the family dynamic.
My father, John Sacco, was born in 1959 to his father Dominick ,whom I am named after,
and his mother Winnefred in Brooklyn, New York. He had three sisters: Winnefred Ann, Donna,
and Patricia. My father never left the home he grew up in, and if he wasn’t in that house he was
at his sister’s house, right down the block. He loves living in Brooklyn because he has the ability
to live the city life as well as be able to enjoy the country upstate, since we have family that live
there now that we frequently visit. He attended public school for Kindergarten and then went to a
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Roman Catholic school through grade and middle school. He ended up going to two different
high schools before graduating, after which he attended Kingsborough College for one year.
After that he went through many different schools during his time in the police department,
where he served for 19 years.
He went on to marry my mom, Jocelyn Tan Sacco in both a civil and religious ceremony
in 1988. When my mom passed away from breast cancer when I was a year old, he then married
my step-mom years later in 2012 (who I view as my mom since she has been there since I was a
baby) Divina Sacco. Growing up, it varied between what Turner and West (2017) define as a
traditional nuclear family, where two married parents live together with their children under the
same roof, and what felt at times like a single-parent family where my dad was alone in raising
us.
After my mother’s passing, my dad was left to take care of two small children, me a baby
and my brother Robert john, 6, by himself. This resulted in a major shift of traditional roles for
the family, which according to Turner and West (2017) is known as role allocation, as my dad
had to take on all roles for the family. This was something relatively unexpected, as my father
was not prepared to take care of young children and be the sole provider for the family. He had
to take on the role of father and mother, as well as provider. Role allocation, according to
Morgan (1968), was often considered a manifestation of power, but for my father, he wasn’t able
to look at it this way. He had to do what he had to do to provide for my brother and I to survive.
My dad would work all day, sometimes multiple jobs to make ends meet, and then after a
hard day of working, would need to come home to care for my brother and myself. Ault and Van
Gilder (2016) discuss how in a traditional nuclear family, role allocation is often part of a
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negotiation to who wants what tasks and responsibilities, providing a feeling of satisfaction
because of the impact these roles have on everyday life. Because of the death of my mother, my
father didn’t have the opportunity to negotiate what tasks and responsibilities he wanted, he just
had to take them all on. While it was very rewarding for him to make it through it by himself, he
was very relieved when my step-mom joined the family and assumed the more traditional female
role of cooking, cleaning, and taking care of my brother and I.
Through family, when my step-mom wasn’t there, my dad relied heavily upon voluntary
and involuntary family to help him take care of us. Turner and West (2017) define voluntary
family as relationships that are entered into intentionally and voluntarily. Meanwhile, they define
an involuntary family as a group of people who are bound by birth or law. My dad counted on
involuntary family like my aunt and uncle to help out a lot and be there when he couldn’t be. He
also relied on a voluntary network of close friends that were able to help him as well.
Through community, this consisted of lots of friends who were met through hockey.
Hockey was a huge part of how we were raised, and I’ve been around it since I could walk. We
traveled all over the place, meeting a large network of people who we bonded with over the love
for the sport. Additionally, my dad worked at the rink near our house in Brooklyn, so he met a lot
of people through coaching and working there. Many of these people quickly became our
voluntary hockey family, that would help out however and whenever needed.
My dad calls this community the frozen river that runs through us because we’ve shared
it for so long and helps keep us all together. Hockey was, and still is, something that is shared
with so many people, so it connects all of us to a point where it seems like everyone is
involuntary family. Braithwaite, Bach, Baxter, DiVerniero, Hammonds, Nunziata, Wolf (2008)
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described four different types of voluntary family, with one being extended family, where
voluntary family and involuntary family are integrated and overlap. They consider each other all
part of the same family, and that is exactly how our hockey family is viewed by involuntary
family.
Through this interview process, I had a great time talking to my dad and hearing stories
that maybe I haven’t heard before, or I’ve already heard 100 times over. I most definitely gained
a new perspective on what it took for him to raise my brother and I after my mother passed away.
I see how the drastic and sudden shift in redistribution in roles wasn’t always easy for my dad,
but he did whatever he had to to make it work.As a way to adjust to the new roles, or allocation
he created a huge network of support and family for all of us that extended far beyond the reach
of blood relatives. I have always had respect for my dad for all he did to keep life as normal and
easy for us, but after interviewing him I have a newfound appreciation for what he did for my
brother and I. My father’s experience and our unique family structural dynamic reveals how the
study of family communication is essential in learning how to adapt to certain situations and how
to maintain the essence of family through will and determination in times of struggle and in
times of utter heartbreak. My debt to my father is infinite, the will to survive, when the odds
were stacked up against our family. To see where we are today, I’m sure my mother would be
very proud of how we all persevered.
